If you never wanted to eat every Korean food, this movie will take care of that in a short 2 hours. This movie will also make sure that you never trust anyone ever again, no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship. Intimate Strangers challenges the idea of being completely open with the people you love. In essence, how much of yourself are you willing to reveal? And are the people you love willing to accept you completely?
Plot Summary
A group of childhood friends meet up after 34 years for a housewarming at Seok Ho and Ye Jin’s new apartment. Tae Su and Soo Hyun have been married since college. Jun Mo recently married Se Kyung. Young Bae is recently divorced. Over dinner, one of the friends suggest they play a game: all members of the party should put their phones on the table and reveal any contact from the outside that comes in, calls, emails, messages. The game starts off fun but stirs up a lot of drama and misunderstanding as the night progresses and secrets are slowly revealed, making them all feel more like strangers.
This movie is an adaptation of the Italian film Perfect Strangers (Perfitti Sconoscuiti).
Thoughts
SPOILERS AHEAD!!
I would like to state for the record that the characters in this movie are all assholes! And yet…
Is it funny how I see a lot of myself in many of these characters? The men mostly. Things that I saw in each of them, good or bad, were things that I realised as I continued watching that I need to fix about myself. I’m concerned about some of the implications of this movie though…
First, what do conventional norms say about sexuality? And is it still such a taboo in Korea? Are we still surprised by the idea of a gay man? I feel sorry for Young Bae, having to let his friends find out that he’s gay. Predefined roles in society can really wreck someone. Young Bae basically lived his life in a box. A box he couldn’t even come out of in the company of his closest friends. That makes me feel so sad. I have quite a few friends in the same situation. The idea of them having to explain themselves to people is unimaginable.
I’m still scared by the reaction of many men when the idea of gayness is brought up. Jun Mo takes Tae Su’s announcement so personally, like it’s a slight that his best friend would not have told them about it all this time. But it hurts to see how he’s more hurt at the fact that their history together seems tarnished, like everything they shared together growing up is somehow different because he’s gay. If Young Bae had told his friends from the very beginning that he was gay, would the reactions have been any different? Would he have still been a part of their friendship? Tae Su’s being gay for all of two hours almost crushed him. How could he possibly imagine being gay all his life? I personally believe that all straight men need one gay friend in their lives. Just so that they know how to adjust to it (how sad that’s its still something the straight community needs to adjust to). I understand the situation in the movie is heightened by the fact that Tae Su is actually married and not gay, but even in that situation, he would rather have wrecked his own marriage than have his friend revealed as gay. In an intimate setting of close friends.
I’m also put off by the idea of having to be in a marriage that is constant reminder of my faults and shortcomings. Or is it that the person I’m with would see them as shortcomings? Tae Su does a great job of reminding his wife that she messed up, now everything she does is a reflection of the one incident. The people you love really end up hurting you the most. Soo Hyun has lived with regret about night she hit someone with her car. But she feels like the worst criminal because Tae Su will never let her forget it. The guilt must really weigh on her if she’s more comfortable with her husband being gay than him not forgiving her.
I do enjoy the idea of cheating being such a big no-no in this movie. Yay for morality and sticking to the sanctity of marriage. Infidelity almost seems like a trend these days. I mean, its been around for the longest time, but had always been frowned upon. Yet here we are in the 21st century, Instagramming our affairs with other women’s husbands like it’s a normal thing to be doing. I’m not disputing the idea of being in open relationships. Most of the cultures in my country condone polygamy. But there’s a line we should be drawing, especially when what we are doing puts our feelings and desires above everything else, including the feelings of those closest to us. Se Kyung didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. It made no sense for Jun Mo to cheat on her and wreck their marriage the way he did. Sleeping with so many women at the same time made no sense. He can at some point tell himself that he lived a full life. At what cost though? Was it worth it? The way people are living now cannot be healthy.
Side note: Until 2015, spouses in Korea were able to open a police file against their partner if they caught them cheating. Yep, cheating in Korea used to be a criminal offense. This law was removed not so long ago because it was meant to protect women, who were during that time financially dependent on their husbands. Though times have changed, adultery is still frowned upon in Korean society
Reference: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/feb/26/south-korea-legalises-adultery
Seok Ho as a father makes me proud (and a bit jealous). His conversation with his daughter brought forth so many emotions that I had to pause the movie a bit. I hope that fathers can cherish their daughters the way that he does his. (This is a fictional character; I’m getting too emotional). Every time I hear about fathers, its always in relation to how they should raise their sons right. But having fathers raising their daughters right is just as important. Girls need the right type of reference when meeting boys and where else should they find it if not their own fathers?
This movie shows that there’s a side to everyone that nobody wants to share, not even with the people closest to them. And that’s fine. Some things are meant to be a secret. It would have been wonderful for the result of all these secrets being revealed to be a mutual understanding of each other. But human nature sometimes does not allow people to act rationally. It shows how much easier it is for us to compartmentalise our lives. We pick out of everything that we are things that we think would be ok for others to know. Because the opinions of people closest to us matters the most. The rest we hide and enjoy in small doses, away from judgemental eyes, because we know that someone won’t understand us the way we understand ourselves, even our ugliness.
At the end of the movie, the whole evening is turned back and the dinner is shown to have gone smoothly without the game having been played. All members of the party go home and continue with their lives. And that’s okay too. In a world where people are perfect, it would be understandable to want to know everything about your partner. But we are imperfect beings, and if the truth does more harm than good, its okay to keep it to yourself.
“People live three lives: a public life, a private life and a secret life”
Intimate Strangers
Let me know what you think in the comment section. Let’s chat K community.
The K-Rant 